No, thank-you.

This might be the most-important story I was told last year.

I was chatting with a good friend, and asked about being open while protecting myself from abuse. She shared a parable about an abusive old man in a small village. I applied the lesson from the parable later that same night, and several times that week.

An old man in a small village enjoyed intimidating his neighbors. He would abuse them verbally until they felt bad about themselves, telling them how lazy they were, or stupid, or thoughtless. Everyone was afraid of him, and this made him feel powerful. Having mastered his village, he wanted to go further and dominate the guru who lived peacefully in nearby hills.

He visited the guru and offered rotten fruit as gift. The guru declined, saying nothing more than "No, thank-you." The old man feigned anger, and began his verbal lashing of the guru. After receiving each abusive statement, the guru simply said "No, thank-you." Eventually the old man's feigned anger turned to real anger, and he lost control, yelling "What do you mean, 'no thank-you'? That doesn't make any sense, I wasn't offering you anything!"

The guru replied, "When you offer me rotten fruit, I say 'no, thank-you' because I know it is bad for me, and I do not accept it. Then you have to carry your own rotten fruit while you return home."

Almost every application I have had for this lesson has been in defense of myself, from myself. While listening to the story, I missed an important call. When I discovered this, I made myself feel guilty for not returning home sooner. Then I saw how I offered myself that rotten guilt, and accepted it. Finally, I told myself "no, thank-you" and refused to accept the guilt any longer.

The story's abstract lesson, for me, is that I can protect myself without building defensive walls. There's no need to create one-size-fits-all boundaries. Instead, I can remain open but discriminate between good and rotten fruit. Of course I will make mistakes, most likely accepting rotten fruit due to an assumed obligation. When I observe myself compounding those mistakes with additional self-abuse, I simply tell myself, "no, thank-you."

Toll Evasion

FasTrak was kind enough to send me a photo evading the Golden Gate Bridge toll. As it turns out, I was in violation, but only because the toll attendant waved me through after I stopped and asked about the toll for motorcycles. This isn't the best use of my time, but I can't stomach paying a fine after trying to do the right thing. I'm contesting the ticket, and I'm recording my response to FasTrak here because I need to vent to someone (or everyone, it seems):

As I approached the toll both, I looked for information about HOV/Carpool lanes, and information about how motorcycles are classified. Not spotting anything relevant, I entered toll lane that accepted cash, and waited my turn. I came to a full stop next to the toll booth, and asked the attendant about motorcycles. He waved me through.

Having received this ticket notification, I researched the toll rules for motorcycles crossing the Golden Gate Bridge. I see now that carpool hours end at 6pm for the Golden Gate Bridge, as opposed to 7pm for the Interstate freeways in this area. However, I didn't have access to a computer and the internet while on my motorcycle at the toll booth, and chose to trust the attendant instead.

I am requesting that this ticket be waived, on account of misdirection by the employee collecting tolls. There is no danger that I'll repeat this violation, because I have memorized the bridge schedule, know it is different than the Interstate schedule, and am unlikely to trust a toll booth employee unless they refuse to take my money.